Dog Poop Fairy

I am about to make a radical suggestion.  Let's stop using dog poop bags on the hiking trails.  I know, I know... WTF is she thinking?  I believe this started out as something good but it has gone so very wrong as far as the hiking trails are concerned.  Before you get your panties in a twist, let me tell you my reasoning behind this.

I am not sure how the whole "bag your dog poop" thing started but apparently it is a very taboo thing to let your dog poop somewhere other than your own yard and not pick it up.  Maybe it's because there are more people living in apartments/condos/ townhomes that also have dogs that must be taken out to a public space to do their business.  I do believe that more people are also bringing their dogs along with them when they go out than they used to.  Dog parks were not a thing when I was growing up so that is another possible contributing factor.   Maybe it is simply the fact that there are more people in general and more people equals more dogs and everyone wants a dog because dogs are fucking awesome.  More dogs out and about would, of course, mean more poo in public places which would get very messy, thus, everyone must now carry little bags while Fido is with you.

Don't get me wrong, dog poop bags have their place because of the reasons I listed above.  They are completely acceptable while taking your dog for a walk in the neighborhood, the dog park, or any other place in the city.  For some reason, I never see a dog poop bag while out walking in town and I see plenty of people out with their dogs.  Here it would be unacceptable to leave the poop bag on the sidewalk just as much as it would be to leave the poop.  This is the part that makes me wonder if it's actually a people issue.  Are we so obsessed with everything being so perfect that a pile of dog poo just cannot be tolerated? Shit on the sidewalk is not cool but in the grass, eh, not such a big deal.

While I agree that no one wants to step in feces while out hiking (I am always avoiding deer, horse, and other animal poop), most people don't want to see the assortment of rainbow-colored bags along the trail either.  I know I'm sick of seeing them but it has become the norm and I find this appalling.  How is it that it is unacceptable to leave them on the sidewalk in a neighborhood but it is okay to leave them all along the trail?  All of those dog parents have apparently forgotten the "Pack it Out" rule, at least where the dog poo is concerned.  I have a feeling that most of those people wouldn't leave a plastic water bottle behind but it's no biggie to leave the dog shit bag at the site of the offense.  Some of you might make the argument that the bags will decompose.  Maybe some of them but do all of them?  And let's just say that all of them do decompose, how long does it take?  I guarantee it's a lot longer than if the poop was left out to the elements instead of being tied up in a bag.  So, as I originally suggested, let's nix the baggies on the trails.  If you see your dog about to go #2, pull them off of the trail so people aren't going to step in it.  If you're not in time to get them off of the trail, then use a stick or something to clear it from the area.  Poop in the wilderness is not a big deal but the poop bags are.

There is NO dog poop bag fairy people.  Maybe as a child you were told a story about a grungy little fairy that lived in the wilderness that got rid of all of the poop bags but let me tell you, he/she DOES NOT EXIST!  There isn't anyone that comes along and picks all of them up for you.  If you are going to bring your dog, either pack that shit out or let's all agree to stop using them and be responsible enough to simply clear the path.  This has got to change and I know that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Peace, Love, and Light.  Blessed be.

Pumpkin Spice Latte Anyone?

Cooler temperatures.  Boots, sweaters, and scarves.  Picking apples in the orchard and visiting a pumpkin patch.  Apple cider spiked with Fireball Whiskey (if you haven't tried this, you're missing out. Seriously).  Trees ablaze in colors of yellow, gold, orange, and red.  Halloween!  Pumpkin spice everything.  What's not to love about autumn?  Fall is definitely one of my favorite seasons.  Ok, I like them all for different reasons but for me, fall means the end of the relentlessly cruel summer heat and is the gateway to winter which I absolutely love.

With today being the Autumnal Equinox/ Mabon, I wanted to share a few ways to celebrate and usher in the new season.  For those of you that don't know, there are two equinoxes, the Autumnal and the Vernal (which is the one in the spring) every year and two solstices.  The Autumnal Equinox is all about giving thanks for what we have.  In Pagan and Wiccan traditions, Mabon is a celebration of the second harvest, the first being in mid-August and celebrated as the Sabbat Lammas or Lughnasadh.  It is a giving of thanks for a bountiful harvest and the many blessings that have been bestowed upon us.  To celebrate this harvest you can participate in the fall-type activities I listed in the first paragraph such as apple picking, visiting a pumpkin patch, and making apple cider.  You can also make a meal or dessert from harvested foods.  Think apple pie, pumpkin bread, roasted veggies, ect.  Equinoxes are a day of equal light and equal dark, balance.  You can celebrate this aspect by honoring balance in your life through yoga or a thorough house cleaning and/ or decluttering.  We all know that autumn is a time of death.  The leaves change and fall from the trees; fields become barren after the last harvest; all of the summer flowers begin to wither away.  Celebrate this lifecycle by honoring the dark.  Stargazing is a great way to do this as well as sitting on the patio at night with a nice fire going in the firepit while drinking some of that apple cider you spent all day making.  Other ways to celebrate the changing of the season include making a fall craft (see Pinterest for endless ideas), getting back to nature with a fall leaf hike, collect leaves, pinecones, and acorns, set up an altar honoring all that is Autumn, and give thanks by making a gratitude list.

Since I mentioned giving thanks, I want to take a few moments to sit in gratitude before I head out for my own leaf hike this morning.  Please understand that this is completely selfish.  Huh??  Well, I am trying to follow the Law of Attraction which simply put is "the ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on".  (For more information, the Law of Attraction has its own website at http://www.thelawofattraction.com/what-is-the-law-of-attraction/).  In all seriousness though, I believe that we often get too wrapped up in the things that we don't have or the things that are going wrong instead of focusing on the things that we DO have and the things that ARE going RIGHT.  We are so accustomed to the everyday struggle of "keeping up with the Jones'" that we forget to be grateful on a daily basis.  Sure we practice this at Thanksgiving here in America but what about the other 364 days of the year?  So do me a favor, please.  Sit down and make a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for.  Here are 5 of mine:

* I am grateful for my two amazing children.  They are the lights of my life.  I am so grateful that they are healthy and that they think for themselves instead of just following the crowd. 

* I am grateful for my boyfriend.  He has shown me what love is supposed to be like and has helped me to heal wounds and insecurities that I thought would be impossible to. 

* I am grateful for my best friend.  She is my soul sister and fellow badass hiker babe and adventurer.  She has lifted me up when I needed it most, makes me laugh like no other, and has made me believe in friendship again.

* I am grateful that I get to call the beautiful state of Colorado home.  This place is an outdoor enthusiast's playground.  Hiking, biking, skiing, fishing.  So much fun to be had here and I am taking advantage of it!

* I am grateful for my health.  I do have asthma but thankfully it has gotten milder and is well managed.  My good health allows me to do all of the outdoor things that I love so much.  

** Bonus **  I am grateful that I could still go on about all of the things that I have to be thankful for.  My list is way more than just those 5 things.  

Well folks, my friends are waiting for me so I better shut this down.  I guess now that it's officially fall we can expect to see some Christmas lights going up.  Do NOT get me started on that. *Insert angry emoji face here*.  Enjoy this day.  Be grateful for it because there are so many that didn't get that chance.  

Peace, Love, and Light.  Blessed Be.  

How Adventure Saved Me

My soul was suffering.  Suicidal thoughts plagued me daily.  It took an enormous effort just to get through each day.  The same monotonous life, day in and day out.  Get up, get the kids ready, take them to school, go to work, boring fucking office job that I hated but still had to be grateful for because it helped to pay the bills, pick up the kids after work, make dinner, get the kids ready for bed, go to bed myself only to get up and do it all over again the next day.  Mixed in there, of course, are the other usual things like cleaning and doing laundry (so much fucking laundry).  There were gymnastics classes, soccer, basketball and baseball games.  Those did offer some rays of sunshine into what I considered an otherwise drab existence. Don't get me wrong, I love my children dearly and they are the ONLY reason I kept going but I remember feeling like I was missing something.  There was some puzzle piece that needed to be fit into place.

"We should try backpacking," my then-husband says out of the blue one day.  Me with a puzzled look on my face, "Huh? What are you talking about?"  "Backpacking.  I heard some people talking about it," he says.  "You get a big backpack and have all of the gear, food, etc. that you need to survive for a few days and you head out into the wilderness.  What do you think?"  I'm sitting there mulling this idea over and wondering if it's possible.  The thought of surviving out of a backpack wasn't the issue.  I was in love with the idea the moment he explained it.  The issue... we lived in Texas.  Not a ton of "wilderness" readily available, at least what I considered to be wilderness.  "Sure, I'm in.  But where would we go?" I ask.  So the planning began.

A few trips to the local sporting goods store ended up with a mountain of gear and supplies.  Backpacks, a cook set, fuel canisters, and a backpacking stove, sleeping bags and pads, tent, nifty dehydrated meals, the list goes on.  We were so uneducated it was funny.  We brought an axe.  AN AXE.  That thing weighed a ton!  Now we just needed a destination.  I wanted to keep it simple and close for the first time out.  It would be just the two of us to see how it went.  I planned a canoe float trip that was only a few hours from home but seemingly in the middle of nowhere.  Perfect!  This also made it much easier for us to be able to have our packs in the canoe instead of having to try to carry all of the unnecessary (and HEAVY!) things we had acquired.  The company we enlisted would haul us and the canoe upstream to a put-in point.  We would then float down the 26 miles over the next couple of days to the company's property which was our ending point.  We could camp anywhere we wanted along the river as long as there wasn't a "Private Property" sign.

I had been car and RV camping as a child and always loved it but I couldn't imagine what this "roughing it" experience would do for me as an adult.  Upon setting out into the wilderness, I remember being thoroughly giddy.  This is a feeling that I hadn't had in a very long time.  I felt like I could breathe for the first time in ages.  We canoed, we fished, set up camp along the river, made a campfire, ate dehydrated meals, stargazed and fell asleep to the coyote's song.  I was a little sore the next morning from having paddled the canoe the day before but that didn't matter.  For the first time that I could remember since being a child, my soul felt alive.  This.  This was the missing puzzle piece.  The wilderness, being one with nature, the adventure.

After returning home I felt rejuvenated.  This was exactly what I had needed so I did what any (somewhat) sane person would do.  I started planning the next adventure.  Obviously, we needed to get our shit together as far as our gear was concerned.  We couldn't afford new gear right then after already having spent a small fortune on the "wrong" stuff.  I started researching backpacking and gear, subscribed to several outdoors magazines like Backpacker and Outside so that when it came time to make new purchases I would be well educated.  I researched places to go, "must do trails" and figured out how long it would take to get there since a lot of them were out-of-state.  "If we take turns driving overnight then we'll get to the trailhead around 4 am and can sleep for a couple of hours in the car before hitting the trail," was a common thought when it came to destinations.  Crazy, I know but you do what you must for the sake of the adventure.

New Mexico, just outside of Ruidoso, was the next adventure.  This was a true backpacking trip.  There was something so exhilarating about having everything I needed to survive for the next 3 days stuffed into a pack and carrying it on my back.  The packs were still heavy as fuck but I didn't mind.  I was young and could handle whatever it took to be able to be out there.  My first time backpacking, doing it at elevation, having come from basically sea level, 16 miles over 3 days and I rocked it!  I was officially addicted.  THIS is my happy place.

The planning and going, the time put in researching and then being able to carry out that plan, that is what saved me.  The adventure fed my soul and gave me back something that I was desperately needing but it was the planning that kept me going day to day.  I had a trip planned every summer to an outdoor destination, spring break, and every 3-day weekend was mapped out to include a backpacking adventure.  When I was feeling down, I would research destinations.  It didn't matter that I already had stuff planned.  The thought of a new place, a new adventure helped me to make it through some very dark times.  I would remember the feelings while on the trail.  I'd look through the photos and I'd think about the sounds, the smells, and how my pack felt, the comforting weight of it.  "If I can just make it to the next trip, I'll be fine," became my mantra.

I know first hand what suicide can do to a family.  I made a promise to my children to never put them through that so that is the reason I held on when I wanted nothing more than to give up.  I guess one would argue that it was my kids that saved me.  While that is not untrue, I was simply going through the motions of what needed to be done.  I was existing without living.  Adventure is what saved me from the dark abyss, the prison that had trapped my soul.  Yes, I still struggled but now I had something to look forward to. The coals of a long-dormant fire had been stoked and it now burned within me and has yet to be extinguished.  I am not saying that backpacking is for everyone because it isn't.  However, there is a healing quality within nature.  Adventure gives us back something we lose in the transition from childhood to adulthood.  I know it saved me from a place that I couldn't have dug myself out of otherwise. 

I honestly believe that it is time for us to rewild ourselves in order to save ourselves. 

Peace, love, and light.  Blessed be.

*If you or a loved one are having suicidal thoughts, please seek help.  You are not alone! *
   

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Out of the (Broom) Closet

Someone recently told me that she was "Out of the Shaman closet but not the Witch closet".  Me being the curious type and having an almost non-existent filter asks, "So why is it that you feel like you can come out as a Shaman but not as a Witch?" Her answer, sadly, was not surprising.  For some reason it is more acceptable to be a Shaman than it is to say you're a Witch.  

Shamanism is associated with the Native American culture even though the path of the Shaman is followed by many more people and cultures than just the Native Americans.  It is an ancient way and not associated with a particular religion. "Shamanism is a practice that involves a practitioner reaching altered states of consciousness in order to perceive and interact with what they believe to be a spirit world and channel these transcendental energies into this world".    

sha·man

noun- a person regarded as having access to, and influence in, the world of good and evil spirits, especially among some peoples of northern Asia and North America. Typically such people enter a trance state during a ritual and practice divination and healing.

1. synonyms:

   medicine man/woman, healer, kahuna "several American doctors have consulted our shaman"

- copied and pasted straight outta Wikipedia!  Shamans were highly respected.  They were/ are healers.  They were sought out for their wisdom and knowledge and were often considered to be "seers".  And here you thought you weren't going to learn anything new today! ;-)

The Witch, however, is a completely different thing.  For some reason, "Witch" has long been associated with satanic worship.  You do understand that as a Pagan or Witch, we do not believe in Satan, right?  This is what you get when you look up "Witch" in Wikipedia... 

witch
noun 1.a woman thought to have magic powers, especially evil ones, popularly depicted as wearing a black cloak and pointed hat and flying on a broomstick.

1. synonyms:

   sorceress, enchantress, necromancer

   • 
     
2. 2.

   informal

   
   

   an ugly or unpleasant woman.

   
   

   "he can marry the old witch for all I care"

   
   

   synonyms:

   hag, crone, harpy, harridan, she-devil;  informalbattle-ax "she's a nasty old witch"

3. 
   
4. 
   

verb

1. 1.

   cast an evil spell on.    

Are you fucking kidding me?  No wonder "Witch" is so taboo.  Its definition associates it with evil, ugly, and raising the dead.  Wow.  Just wow.  I hope that those reading this post understand the extent of the persecution that women have faced for hundreds of years because of the word "Witch". 

Apparently, it is still a big issue.  Not a "burning at the stake" type of issue but it is definitely not an accepted word in some circles.  In this day and age, I seriously do NOT understand this.  Of course, we still live in a world where human rights are an issue so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  However, this post is not about those issues.  I'll save that rant for another time.

I am proud to use the title of both Shaman AND Witch.  This has been a long time coming for me.  It has always been my path and I have known that for quite a while.  I tried to suppress the person that I was in order to not make waves with my ex-husband (a post for another time) and to TRY to conform to society.  Well, anyone that knows me could tell you that was never going to happen.  I didn't use the word "Witch" before but I was far from what society would call "normal". 

As a child, I was the girl with bare feet caked in mud holding a toad (or snake or a crawfish or some other creature I found out there) in one hand while climbing over the fence that separated my backyard from the creek behind us.  I was definitely classified as a tomboy but more importantly, a wild child.  I use that term to define my connection with nature at an early age and not my behavior.  I wasn't happy if I couldn't be outside.  I have never been afraid of any animal, although mosquitos can burn in hell.  I have a connection with animals that is undeniable.  My friend got to witness this firsthand this past weekend when we met a beautiful praying mantis with a message for me.  I remember sitting still in the field behind my grandparents' house and just listening to all of the natural sounds I could hear.  How many children do you know that would do this at a young age without someone telling them to? Exactly.  Not many.  This came naturally to me; I needed it.  

I realize now that what I was doing as a child was feeling the energy of the Earth.  That's why it was so important for me to sit and listen.  Even back then I needed that natural energy to be able to get through the day.  It is this natural energy that we as Witches call upon.  It is nothing evil, distorted, or perverted.  It is the air we breathe, the water we drink, the Earth we walk upon, and the fire that warms our homes on a cold winter day.  It's the trees and plants, the animals and insects, the dirt and stone.  Everything has its own energy and it is beautiful and amazing.  This is NOT evil.  The Wiccan Rede states "An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will".  Here is the link for the full version:   https://wicca.com/celtic/wicca/rede.htm  As Witches, we are typically very careful of the energy or spells we put out into the universe.  Part of the Rede reminds us that everything will come back to you three-fold.  That would be some scary shit if you intended to do evil or harm.  The Witches that I have met are some of the nicest people on Earth.  We recycle, do rituals to help heal Mother Earth, send healing energy to friends, loved ones, and pets, and volunteer our time.  We are on the opposite end of the spectrum from evil. 

In the future, I hope to create a safe space for witches and other spirituals to talk freely.  It would be a place of love and acceptance.  It would also be a support system for those that are still in the broom closet or are trying to come out but have no idea how to do so.  It can be scary, depressing, and anxiety-inducing to think about the possible rejection by loved ones, friends, or co-workers.  We could share ideas here on how to educate our loved ones about our ways so that it doesn't seem so taboo or frightening for them. 

I have always been a Witch at heart and in my soul.  My call to be a healer as well.  I was so excited to learn that I could mesh the Shaman with the Witch and didn't have to choose between the two.  Both are such a huge part of who I am, who I am meant to become.  It's my journey and my path is becoming more and more clear to me.  Stay tuned...

Peace, love, and light.  Blessed be. 

Let's get to know one another...

In the beginning there was... nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

It was the beginning so of course you have to start with nothing, right?  Well, I guess you can start with an idea. This is my attempt to make something where there was once nothing.  Anyway.  Is it just me or is the first blog always a bore?  I am SO NOT a boring person and would love for my first blog post to not be the usual boring stuff.  However, I find it necessary to go through with the traditional introduction type things.  If you are looking for a blog that covers one topic in particular, "this is not the blog you are looking for..." My blog will be eclectic, sassy and full of curse words, just like me.  If you are easily offended or of a more conservative nature, a.k.a stick-up-your-ass, then I'm probably not your cup of tea. Move right along please. 

So.  Why am I starting a blog?  I have found myself having full conversations in my head about various things.  "Beckie, you should really seek professional help for that."  Yeah, yeah.  Been there done that and I'm still having these conversations.  No, I am not crazy.  Well, ok, I'm a little (a lot) crazy but not that kind of crazy.  I am actually a bit of a hot mess though.  My loving boyfriend would try to tell me that I'm not but he'd be wrong.  My bestie would agree with me.  In fact, she and I are often quite the hot mess when together.  I know, I'm off topic.  See, hot mess.  I have been through the ringer in my (almost) 41 years and I believe I have a lot to say.  Maybe, just maybe, someone will find something here that helps them and that alone will be worth it.

I had a fucked up childhood.  A dad I never really knew that chose to leave before I was born and just checked in when it was convenient for him.   Multiple step-fathers, one that sexually abused me.   A mother that would not stop smoking even though the doctors said it was killing me.   I had severe asthma as a child and sadly did not outgrow it.  It is milder now and well managed.  My only real father figure (my maternal grandfather) passed away when I was young.  I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager.  I had a baby at 18 (but I wouldn't EVER change that.  She was and is a true gift from the universe).  I married my high school sweetheart just before our daughter was born. We also had a wonderful son 6 years later.  After 21 years of never being truly happy (and the marriage was seriously fucked up on so many levels.  Look for my installment on that), we called it quits and separated in late May of 2017.  My daughter and her partner/ fiancee live in Ohio and my son, now 16, lives with me.

I grew up in and around Fort Worth, TX.  This was extremely difficult for someone like me, liberal and "different".  I knew from a very young age that I was supposed to be somewhere different.  Growing up in a place that you know you aren't meant to be is exhausting and frustrating.  In my late 20's I discovered Colorado.  I was so in love with a place I had never been before, at least not in this lifetime.  I had to get there somehow.  It took 10 years after my first actual visit but I finally got my wish on 12/27/14.  My soul was finally home.  Now I am a true crazy hiking lady.  I'm obsessed.  So many trails and so little time!  I also discovered skiing and fell in love with the sport.  Oh! and snowshoeing! Did you know that REI has a class for that? Really?? You put them on and walk.  I don't know why anyone would pay for a class on snowshoeing but cheers to REI for getting people to believe they need to.

I suppose that is enough rambling about myself for now.  If you're wanting to know more about what you can expect here, I'm not quite sure yet.  One day might be a rant about how people leave dog poop bags along the side of the trail and the next might be a video of some crazy ass adventure with my bestie.  Some posts might be about everyday things and others will be of a more personal nature like surviving and fighting to overcome sexual abuse, depression and suicidal thoughts.  I'm sure I will also be posting plenty of spiritual things on here since that has become such a huge part of my life's path.  You might see posts about how to protect yourself as an empath, spirit animal topics, crystals, past lives, ect.

Peace, love, and light.  Blessed be.