Thoughts and Ramblings... Brought to you today by EARLY MORNING TRAFFIC

I have decided that this will be a series.  They will be freeform so you won't see it broken up into the typical paragraphs and such but I will break it up to make it easier to read.  No judgment please on the structure.

I have these random thoughts and ramblings that play out in my head, often similar to a story but not quite.  I guess it's more like something that pops into my head and then a whole thought process, usually quite long, spawns from it.  These usually take place while I'm stuck in traffic, thus the title since it actually has to do with traffic.

I was leaving my boyfriend's house a few months ago and was shocked by the amount of traffic on the highway at 6:15 am.  Surely all of these people aren't headed into the office so early?  But why are they out so early then?  Are they all leaving that early to get a jump on the traffic?

I know that I have found myself leaving a few minutes earlier to get to work on time.  So if more and more people are leaving earlier and earlier, are they really getting a jump on the traffic at all?  Or are they just creating traffic at an earlier time?  Do they start work that early or are they just hanging out at the coffee shop next door to the office and glad that they weren't stuck in traffic?  If they are hanging out at the coffee shop, this means they are spending money that they normally wouldn't be had they not gotten there so early which definitely adds up.

Maybe they decide to go ahead and get started on all of their work for the day since they're at the office early anyway.  So they start work 30 minutes earlier than they are required to be there.  The boss starts to notice that they're there early on a consistent basis.  He/ She starts giving them work that needs to be completed earlier in the day since they're there at that time already.  So then the work piles up and they begin to feel that it's necessary to be there earlier just to get it all done or they begin to either work through lunch or eat at their desk instead of taking a real break.  The boss is now taking notice that the employee is willing to work through lunch and begins to take advantage of that as well.

That employee still has to be there until the end of the work day though.  It doesn't matter that they came in 30 minutes early and worked through lunch; they're scheduled to get off at 5 PM so they must stay.  It's not the boss' fault that the employee chooses to be there early and work through lunch, right?  The compensation for that employee isn't going up either because they make a salary, not an hourly wage.  The employee ends up staying late one day to get everything done.

They notice that the traffic is much better if they leave 30 minutes later.  Now they begin to leave later to miss the afternoon traffic, rationalizing it in their mind that they're basically getting home at the same time due to the decrease in traffic.  In reality, they're home 15 minutes later than they used to be and while that doesn't seem like much, it means that the kids are getting picked up that much later or someone else has to get them because that extra 15 minutes means the daycare is closing.  Dinner is now being pushed out a little later because everything is just running a little more behind than it was a few months ago.  Since dinner is now being pushed back, it means everything is a little more hectic and there's a little less time to just chill and relax.

There's homework that has to be done, baths need to be taken, teeth brushed and maybe we start skipping the bedtime stories because now there just isn't time because that extra 15 minutes is gone.  The kiddos looked forward to those few minutes of story time with their parents and now they are told it isn't going to happen and they should just go to sleep.  Maybe little Johnny cries because he hasn't had a bedtime story all week and then mom gets mad because he's crying but then later feels guilty for missing story time and then being mad at her child.  Mom also misses those few precious moments with her babies and begins to get depressed because she feels like everything has just gotten so out of hand and she has no idea how to get back to the way it was before.

Fast forward a few months with things continuing this way and now mom's depression starts to affect her marriage.  Hubby is getting more and more upset that his once-vibrant wife cannot seem to get out of this rut.  When he's at his wit's end because they haven't had sex in over a month, he finally decides to talk to her.  She takes it personally and they fight.  They try a couple of sessions of couple's therapy but this still doesn't do much.  She starts seeing her own therapist and is now on 2 different medications which cause her to gain weight and now she feels even worse than she did before.  Hubby starts having an affair.  Wifey finds out, as they always do, and now the marriage is coming to an end because she just can't deal with the betrayal.  The kids lose their comfortable family unit and everyone is suffering, and for what?  This whole cycle began because of the need to miss out on the ever-growing traffic problem.

I know this may seem far-fetched to those reading this but in reality, it's not.  We wonder how we get into some of the situations that we find ourselves in and it can be really hard to pinpoint how everything fell apart.  One would never go back and say, "Gee, I think my marriage fell apart because I was trying to do everything I could to avoid so much traffic."  Maybe we all need to just take a deep breath and figure out how to better cope with these stressors we find ourselves in because of modern society and its pressures.

Food for thought...

Peace, Love, and Light

Let's get to know one another...

In the beginning there was... nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

It was the beginning so of course you have to start with nothing, right?  Well, I guess you can start with an idea. This is my attempt to make something where there was once nothing.  Anyway.  Is it just me or is the first blog always a bore?  I am SO NOT a boring person and would love for my first blog post to not be the usual boring stuff.  However, I find it necessary to go through with the traditional introduction type things.  If you are looking for a blog that covers one topic in particular, "this is not the blog you are looking for..." My blog will be eclectic, sassy and full of curse words, just like me.  If you are easily offended or of a more conservative nature, a.k.a stick-up-your-ass, then I'm probably not your cup of tea. Move right along please. 

So.  Why am I starting a blog?  I have found myself having full conversations in my head about various things.  "Beckie, you should really seek professional help for that."  Yeah, yeah.  Been there done that and I'm still having these conversations.  No, I am not crazy.  Well, ok, I'm a little (a lot) crazy but not that kind of crazy.  I am actually a bit of a hot mess though.  My loving boyfriend would try to tell me that I'm not but he'd be wrong.  My bestie would agree with me.  In fact, she and I are often quite the hot mess when together.  I know, I'm off topic.  See, hot mess.  I have been through the ringer in my (almost) 41 years and I believe I have a lot to say.  Maybe, just maybe, someone will find something here that helps them and that alone will be worth it.

I had a fucked up childhood.  A dad I never really knew that chose to leave before I was born and just checked in when it was convenient for him.   Multiple step-fathers, one that sexually abused me.   A mother that would not stop smoking even though the doctors said it was killing me.   I had severe asthma as a child and sadly did not outgrow it.  It is milder now and well managed.  My only real father figure (my maternal grandfather) passed away when I was young.  I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager.  I had a baby at 18 (but I wouldn't EVER change that.  She was and is a true gift from the universe).  I married my high school sweetheart just before our daughter was born. We also had a wonderful son 6 years later.  After 21 years of never being truly happy (and the marriage was seriously fucked up on so many levels.  Look for my installment on that), we called it quits and separated in late May of 2017.  My daughter and her partner/ fiancee live in Ohio and my son, now 16, lives with me.

I grew up in and around Fort Worth, TX.  This was extremely difficult for someone like me, liberal and "different".  I knew from a very young age that I was supposed to be somewhere different.  Growing up in a place that you know you aren't meant to be is exhausting and frustrating.  In my late 20's I discovered Colorado.  I was so in love with a place I had never been before, at least not in this lifetime.  I had to get there somehow.  It took 10 years after my first actual visit but I finally got my wish on 12/27/14.  My soul was finally home.  Now I am a true crazy hiking lady.  I'm obsessed.  So many trails and so little time!  I also discovered skiing and fell in love with the sport.  Oh! and snowshoeing! Did you know that REI has a class for that? Really?? You put them on and walk.  I don't know why anyone would pay for a class on snowshoeing but cheers to REI for getting people to believe they need to.

I suppose that is enough rambling about myself for now.  If you're wanting to know more about what you can expect here, I'm not quite sure yet.  One day might be a rant about how people leave dog poop bags along the side of the trail and the next might be a video of some crazy ass adventure with my bestie.  Some posts might be about everyday things and others will be of a more personal nature like surviving and fighting to overcome sexual abuse, depression and suicidal thoughts.  I'm sure I will also be posting plenty of spiritual things on here since that has become such a huge part of my life's path.  You might see posts about how to protect yourself as an empath, spirit animal topics, crystals, past lives, ect.

Peace, love, and light.  Blessed be.